Yo dont text me then not text me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Congratulations! We have a period
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
