you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize