Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
