Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
