she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize