So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize