i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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