My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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