Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
