He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
