hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
50% drunk capacity currently
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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