can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
