I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
