Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
