i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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