I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to make out with him forever
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
