how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
