bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I will die if light touches me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
