i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
