I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
