First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
