I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
and you fell through a lawn chair
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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