I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
