Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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