hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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