No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize