you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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