You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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