im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you never un-have a 4some
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize