I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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