remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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