I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
