i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
