Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
