Sponge bath it is.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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