Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As shirtless as possible
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
