Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
