I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
