We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
