A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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