people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it penis luge time yet?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
