Me too!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
