I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
