giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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