Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize