P.S. I can't hear my feet
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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