I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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