I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
