if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am one with the molecules
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
