im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
