we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
