So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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