i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
