My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
