ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
