nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
