Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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