My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize