I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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