nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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