I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My ass is underappreciated
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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