I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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