no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize