I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
