so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My dick has a subreddit
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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