I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
