Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
this hospital has no fireball
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
