he puts the penis in happiness.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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