There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
