Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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