i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
