I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You made out with two different species that night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
