I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
