I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
