Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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