have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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