I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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