Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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