The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
