The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
