god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
