I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm passing your future prison.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
