Jerry, you need to find god
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
