I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
