and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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