The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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