even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
