I'm jealous of your bromance
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
