He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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