the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
