just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
