i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
