never play flip cup with pint glasses
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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