put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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