I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
