Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
