The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
