I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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