i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
