i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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