Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize