when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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