also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
