Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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