You can't motorboat a personality
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
