fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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