The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
