ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
