My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
