So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
