its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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