Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
don't judge my taste in strippers
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
