feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize