Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
