In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
tell me about the fingering
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