ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
